I had your back, I held you up, I told you you were good enough
It was never reciprocated, you kept affection and yourself apart
You fed your love to me like crumbs to pigeons in the park
Sometimes I think it satisfied to see me begging like a dog
I was enamoured, you were king, I gave my everything
Because sometimes you showed me just a hint of you within
For just a moment I romanticised the notion
I could take away the torment, I could love you like they never did

- Darren Hayes, "Unlovable"


The first time I ever read the lyrics for this song (long before I heard them) this verse made me burst out in uncontrollable sobs. It expressed so well the anger and frustration and pain I was feeling at the time.

I am relistening to this album now and it hurts, almost, it's such a dark album but so beautiful. It's so raw and honest, so clearly coming out of such a bad place -- a place I think too many of us know too well -- but it's shot through with hope and possibility at the same time. I don't think I saw that hope the first few times I heard the album (and I didn't even hear it until about a year after I first encountered the lyrics). I do now. As I listen I wait for those moments of heartwrenching beauty amid the dark, and it's hard, if I'm listening and walking at the same time, not to stop in my tracks, close my eyes, and glory in them as they come and fade. And sometimes those moments, and other moments in the album, still almost bring tears to my eyes. Some of the songs still call up bad memories and unpleasant emotions, but I love them anyway, because now I can see the promise of renewal shining through the hurt.